Pssst, It;s me! From the Ministry of Floundering Affairs

Sorry Folks! It's me. Me the not-so-smart-guy from the Ministry of Floundering Affairs who sits in the corner taking the minutes and spinning the grog bowl.

 

Yes, that's me , the innocent lil thing.

 

"Taki! " said Brutus. And so, I did.

 

But first let me tell you of what has transpired in this fine Ministry since I last had the chance to write to you all.

 

Believe it or not, the whole crew is still here. And we got a new addition, I'll call him Zehru. Confused. Let me explain, He thinks he is Nehru but isn't. Get it? Nehru and zero? I know , I know, not one of my best, but hey, it's kinda funny right?

 

Anyway, I've had to lie low because as we all know the proverbial hit the fan and "The Place that must be Spoken of In Whispers Only" went nuts over the whole 'internet thing'.

 

It's called Blogging

It's called Blogging

It's called Blogging

 

Will somebody please tell them that, Phew!

 

Anyway, one must bite the tongue in this fine Ministry. After all, opening one's mouth can lead to the loss of the greatest prize of all: an overseas posting.

 

And so, all the internet connections are being watched very closely. So, I couldn't take the risk. Had to bide my time.

 

Somebody was publishing news that only people inside this fine Ministry could know.

 

Kissinger suspected Brutus, Brutus suspected Taliban, Mata Hari didn't have a clue, Taliban wanted to suspect somebody but couldn't decide who.

 

And Zehru, well the guy is still pissed off about losing his post at that much sought after foreign location, the place where we all want to go one day.

 

As for me , I spun the grog bilo right! heheheheh . Who suspects the grog boy? Not these fools that's for sure.

 

 

Phone Tapping

So somebody thinks his phone is being tapped?

 

And RNZI has jumped all over the reports to say that Tevita Mara's phone is being tapped by the military.

 

Well, lets just take a few steps back and put things in perspective:

 

• It'a a bloody military dictatorship for crying out loud....why would phone tapping, if it was true, be so newsworthy?;
• We have military in the newspapers news rooms, phone taps seem trivial compared to that;
• Somebody has a delusional sense of self importance, doesn't he? They are tapping my phone because I'm the saviour, lighten up bro...you just want media time that's all

And if you are really worried about phone taps, here's a few tips:

 

• Email using account names only you and your recipient knows about;
• Send postcards;
• Carrier pigeons; or
• Message in a bottle;

 

Tap, phap, whap!

 

Another dictator is gone

Another one bites the dust

An end to tyranny is a must

 

For 42 years he rules the land

With a heavy iron hand

 

His sons and daughters bathed in milk and honey

They had so much, billions in money

 

Then one day, the people finally stood up

They decided they had enough, time to make him jump

 

So they came out on the streets

They voted with their feet

 

Gaddafi did his absolute best

To keep the rebellion confined to the west

 

Then France, US and usual so-called allies jumped into the fray

They said, wait up we will show the way

 

Why suddenly Sarkozy and Obama found interest in Libya?

They said they support democracy…now, now don't let that fool ya

 

Where were they all these years?

When Libyans cried rivers of tears

 

What they really want is under the sand

The greatest prize of all, it really is grand

 

More valuable than gold

In your hands you cant hold

 

So started the bombings and the arms drop

And suddenly Gaddafi felt the heat and started to hop

 

He gave orders for his soldiers to fight

Where are they? He looked to the left and right

 

And so he ran from Tripoli to Sirte

His place of birth, where he found shelter

 

He held on for a while, as long as he could

You have to say, he didn't run away, but stayed in Libya as he said he would

 

And then, finally, they caught up to the man

Oh dear God, there lay the man on the sand

 

But not before, they ripped him to pieces

Something nobody on their worst enemy ever wishes

 

And so another dictator is gone

The message is clear, it may take time but right always defeats wrong

 

Isnt it amazing how I do this every time?

Make it all so funny and make it rhyme!

 

Conversations of Jone, Jaswant and Joe

The World Cup is on…the boys are all fired….Go Fiji Go ..O ..O….The grog bowl is full, the boys are in a good mood….Samoa is the opposition and the boys are confident

 

 Jaswant: You gang just see the superior tactical prowess of the Fiji team….their knowledge of defensive patterns, attacking methodology and precise moment by moment fluid processing techniques

 

Jone and Joe look at each other and shake their heads

 

Jone: Samoa is a good team

 

Jaswant: Se, traitor

 

Jone: I think Samoa are going to be very hard to beat

 

Jaswant: Seti, you go and live in Samoa then OK

 

Joe: It will be hard game, tough and uncompromising

 

Jaswant: Vinaka Robbie Deans (and smirks and says under his breath)  thinks he knows too much….us gang are stupid

 

Jone: Kick for territory man, play in opposition half

 

Jaswant: Seti, it's a possession game, hold the ball, probe the edges and make quick darting runs

 

Go Fiji Go

 

Go Fiji Go

 

Jone: Samoa look better

 

Jaswant: Seti, who you cheering for man? Fiji our team….Noqu Vanua

 

Jone: %**#@ o iko OK

 

Jaswant: Why don't you swim to Samoa like that faller who went to Tonga huh!!!

 

Joe: Easy guys

 

Jaswant: O iko qalu mada OK….@$%* this between us kaivata's

 

Joe: Ocei nomu Kai $#&*

Red Arm Band Month

**************** Better late than never....Thank you to sender********

 

************I will try and publish all emails or messages that are fair, balanced and promote justice and equity- in keeping with the Loyal Fijian Charter***********************************

 

 

This August (2011) I will join youth advocates and activists around the world in honoring the lives of young people and children while marking the close of International Year of Youth [August 12 2010 to August 11 2011].

Over the Year, millions of young people have decided to be the driving force of community and grassroots change; We honor them! Many more have been the backbone of humanitarian efforts and recovery work in the worst of our catastrophes and provide resilient solutions/work in solving our Climate Crisis; We honor them! Thousands have used social media and their skills to change mindsets and move hearts to stand in solidarity for the most pressing issues in communities world wide; We honor them! Many more have banded together and held whole gatekeepers, communities and governments accountable to the voice of our Youth; We honor them also!

BUT while we have gained so much during this year, we have also LOST multitudes of lives in the struggle and the onslaught of man made disasters, and natural catastrophes.

This August, for one whole month I will join youth activists world wide in wearing a RED ARM BAND - symbolizes the blood of many young people that have made this International Year of Youth successful and a important year for youths - YES young people have really made a difference this year.

I wear the arm band to remember the lives of Young People lost on the streets to Freedom and Equality, Young People lost in the lands of pandemic crises and suffrage, Young People lost in neighborhoods of War, Young People lost to Natures power and challenge to humanity, Young People lost in the schools of bullying and violence; and Young People lost to homes of exploitation, disrespect and hate.

These Young People have taught me to be reassured that they have not gone in vein - that their cries for a better life are seen/heard through the actions/words of many advocates and activists world wide. While there is still so much work to be done, I stand with these lives in believing that CHANGE HAS COME!!!!!

YOU can WEAR the RED ARM BAND also and allow others to have an opportunity to stand alongside you by passing this email around and having conversations about this Campaign - You can choose your own way to mark the year. Unlike many other events that have happened worldwide, this campaign will have no Celebrities or Leaders propped up to bring people to wear the RED ARM BAND -We are appealing to all youth advocates and activists to consider how much we have gained in the lives of the so many we have lost during Our Year! The Year of Youth!

This August, I am wearing it - are you!

Peter Waqavonovono
Youth Advocate
Fiji Islands

--

Free Poets Society: Tongan Escape

Boy oh Boy, what a few days we've had

A story to rival that of Sinbad

 

Col Mara has escaped to Tonga

The rumours of how he did it are getting longer and longer

 

Can you imagine this tiny island

Can be prepared to pull off something so grand

 

I am reminded of the times of Ma'afu

When he came, plundered and said F*** you

 

This is just so crazy

Even more so because details are so hazy

 

We are told he hitched a ride on a Tongan navy boat

Wonder if he'll sit in the palace and gloat

 

But how could it happen, where was the Fiji Navy?

They came in were gone before you could say "Hey Baby"

 

The Tongans have to be sent a clear message,

This is not the end of this passage.

 

Isn't it funny how I do this every time

Make it all so funny and make it rhyme

 

Free Poet Society

 

OH MAMA, GOOD BYE OBAMA

Boom Boom Bang Bang,

In the middle of the night, the noises rang

 

Came a thundering noise, doof doof whooooof

What is that, could it be helicopters on the roof?

 

The Navy SEALS came slithering down the rope

That's it, the end of the road, the end of hope

 

They looked everywhere, mountains, valleys, villages and caves

Everywhere they looked, he found a way to be safe

 

10 long years, the might of America looked, inside, outside and on the ground

No matter what they did, he was nowhere to be found

 

When he was found, he was not hiding

He was living in style, just his time he was biding

 

Living with his 8 children and many a wife

Can you believe that, this man was enjoying his life

 

How can that be, living in a 3 storey mansion with courtyard and barn

Because America was looking everywhere but inside Pakistan

 

10 years he evaded the greatest power

All the time he was sleeping in a double bed and having a warm shower

 

Now isn't that amazing

Makes your head spin and swing

 

Unless of course we look beyond the spin

Wouldnt be Loyal Fijian if we didn't try to find the source of the stink

 

Can you really be living in secret for 10 years

When the greatest power was kicking down doors and capturing your dears

 

Was he really just hiding in a house in Abbottabad, 400 yards from a military base

If you believe that, Im afraid you will have egg on your face

 

Somebody do the smart thing, find the missing piece to solve this case

Find the tunnel, from Obama's mansion to the Pakistani Military Base!!

 

Isnt it funny how I do this every time

Make it so funny and make it rhyme

 

Free Poet Society

The Original and The One – Loyal Fijian

 

 

Mubarak gone, Gaddafi going...

The boys are enjoying the national drink. The mood is a bit hard to describe...seems like an air of anxiety mixed with anticipation....confused, well I said it was a bit hard to predict.

Jone: Gunu Jas

Jaswant: Vinaka...(downs the bilo)...Boys, how about the Middle East gang aye? Boy, things sa crazy over there

Joe: Thats right Jas, unprecedented chapter in our history...who would've thought the Arabs want the same things everyone else does (he says this almost as a prompt to the others)

Jone: What you mean?

Joe: We all have same aspirations...

Jaswant: See again, this faller always want to talk va fancy....just say it man (voice raising a bit)

Jone: Yeah man, I know what we all want

Jaswant: Yeah we want no crime, feel safe in house, jobs for everyone, like that

Jone: See, what you mean, you never feel safe before?

Jaswant: But better now, see the paper huh...before everyday robbery, murder what not

Jone: Whats the use if you not.... (doesnt finish sentence...looks arlound as if somebody might be listening)

Jaswant: No what? Huh? Say it ga man?

Joe: (Doesnt say anything, but there is somethinhg playing on his mind)


INDEPENDENT,BALANCED,IMPARTIAL.

Conversations of Jone, Joe and Jaswant: Could it happen here?

Same place, same time, same brew. The boys are celebrating the end to another working week.

Jone: Bro, thank God its Friday aye

Jaswant: True

(Joe nods)

Jaswant: What about Tunisia and Egypt aye?

Joe: What about it?

Jaswant: Seti, big protests man

(Joe gazes off into the distance, is he listening?)

Jone: See, they got it ga

Jaswant: Yeah man, but that Egypt faller still there

Jone: True, faller survivor

Jaswant: Could it happen here?

Joe: Could it?

Silence

















INDEPENDENT,BALANCED,IMPARTIAL.

Happy New Year Everyone

Well. well, well
I have a lot ot tell

Yes, I know
I last posted a while ago

But as you can see
Its still the ol me

Where do I start?
As always, Ill talk from the heart

Firstly a happy new year to all
Hope the year bring good luck to y'all

Those of you nursing a hangover
Try a triple leaf clover

Tke care and till later
Loyal Boy will always be there

From Jawant, Jone and Joe
Hope 2o11 brings you more

Isnt it amazing how I do this everytime
Make it funny and make it rhyme

INDEPENDENT,BALANCED,IMPARTIAL.